How To Talk To Girls
“Alec Greven, author of the new dating guide How to Talk to Girls, has a lot going for him. He’s clean-cut, confident and a published author. He is also 9 years old. And although his relationship advice is nothing new — girls like gifts and attention from boys; they get mad when they discover a boy has been trying to date multiple people at once — its simplicity is remarkably accurate. So much for dating websites and call-in shows: the real answers can be found in what began as a $3 pamphlet handed out at his Colorado elementary school.” –Claire Suddath, Time Magazine
On relationships: “Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn’t work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind.”
On having a crush: “Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don’t act desperate. Girls don’t like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you’re good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard.”
On gifts: “It is also good to give gifts. They don’t have to be big. Try to find out what she likes before you give her something. You should go around to her friends to get ideas. And I wouldn’t do flowers and gifts until you are older, like in middle school, because it seems weird in elementary school. Unless you go to a school dance.”
TIP #1: About 73 percent of regular girls ditch boys, 98 percent of pretty girls ditch boys.
TIP #2: Most boys in elementary school can hold onto a girl for only 30 days.
TIP #3: Comb your hair and don’t wear sweats
TIP #4: Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to)
TIP #5: Don’t act desperate
TIP #6: Life is hard, move on!
Honestly, I’m laughing too hard from having just watched Conan interview Alec to write anything remotely clever or witty about this boy and his hilariously insightful book. (Although, I will say that his classification of “regular” and “pretty” girls is ENDLESSLY entertaining as well as his twisted conception of Middle School as “the time for love” — he has no idea what Middle School is actually about.) I think we could all benefit from the above tips especially the last one: life is hard, move on! Damn Alec, tell it like it is homie! I’ll leave you with Claire Suddath’s concluding paragraph: “So will the book actually help you talk to girls? Not really. But it makes for a good gag gift. Have a permanently single male friend? Want to creep out strangers by reading it alone at a bar? Self-help books written by 9-year-olds provide endless opportunities for awkward, uncomfortable amusement. Besides, nothing in the book is incorrect. We girls (and women) are not as elusive as we may seem. We like gifts and attention and people who make us laugh. We dislike hyperactive, clingy boys (and boys who wear sweatpants). If you want to talk to us, sometimes all it takes is a casual hello.” HA!