Feeling Good, Feeling Great. How Are You?
“The search is what everyone would undertake if he were not stuck in the everydayness of his own life. To be aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair” — Walker Percy
If only I had a shirt that said: I hella heart the Bay Area because now that I live in Frisco, my love traverses all kinds of borders. Everytime I come back from a Youth Speaks meeting I feel the need to gush about all the good people and poets I am meeting out here. To be honest, I wasn’t prepared for how difficult the transition after graduation was/is. While I was warned by friends and family about the traumatic aspects of breaking away from 21 years of structured learning, no one can prepare you for your own life. You just have to keep it moving and have faith that things will work themselves out (while taking an active role in shaping your future). I discovered quickly that there is a whole lot of shit lost somewhere in the fine print of your unspoken contract with Wesleyan (and education at large), this life shit. This economic crisis- can’t get a job-miss my friends-awkward around strangers-broke from covers and drinks at “The Club” (sorry dudes)-forgot saying “white people” doesn’t fly-about to start paying off student loans- cereal for dinner type shit (and that’s real). But then there are moments, days, weeks when you actually feel independent (maybe it’s an illusion but still…) and ready to get to know yourself again without the comforts of WesIDs and Mac Gray cards. You just jump and let the world take you in, breathe you out. Today I really felt alive. I’m so grateful for where I am and where I’m going. I’m learning how to love people in spite of distance and never letting myself feel alone when I know how many beautiful and inspiring people are out there in orbit, doing the damn thing. But yeah, the Youth Speaks vibe is a breath of fresh air y’all. For once, I’m in a space with performers where status and “the hustle” doesn’t play and corny is cool. I need that. I think we all need that (why do you like Outkast’s “Take Off Your Cool” is one of my all time favorite bangers?). They’ve made me feel like family in under two weeks and that’s hard to come by. So yeah, I’m finally beginning to feel at home, whatever the feeling is…that sigh of relief, that proof that we’re not alone. Say word.